I knew my past but I didn’t think it would happen again.
I’m back on the third day, like Friday the 13th for others.
I always walk a fine line that changes everything.
As soon as I am up I fall again and the happiness next to that person escapes between my fingers.
It no longer makes me happy, I stress its flaws, I analyze each of its reactions and its kisses are no longer welcome.
His love has become anyone, it haunts me and it bothers me.
I wonder what an evil eye makes me repeat this sequence over and over again.
-What is the lesson? What are you trying to tell me? What do I have to learn?
Such uncontrollable feelings are very scary, losing total control over them.
And here I am, as a puppet driven by my emotions, as sent to live this.
-That I am looking for? And most importantly, where will I find answers if I am unable to find them in me.
I am repetitively imperfect, I repeat imperfections without stopping, with this I mean that I am not looking for the perfect man, sometimes, I am even attracted to the idea that he is more imperfect than me, to feel that comfort zone.
Laughter is my weak point and I tend to be a good hostess if you see me with a gifted intelligent humor.
I like to feel special, selfishly that the other puts everything on the grill, feel safe and secure for me to undertake what may be strong feelings in the future.
The importance of feeling as unique to him as he is to me is essential.
I do not like over-affected affections nor in excess.
I like my space, sometimes I find it hard to give myself to the other, it is a way of feeling that I lose my identity.
So I need to think what is not going well, because at this point, the problem does not seem to be out there and I am still here wanting to break this.