I have been so angry for a long time, full of anger, making myself strong, telling me that I was able to do everything, resisting to fall, to show myself vulnerable until my body began to send me signals alerting me, in the form of migraines, vertigo, irritable colon, anxiety , fears, unstoppable crying …
Paving the ground for her, Sadness, that emotion that when it invades you changes your look, erases the brightness that characterizes it, sinks your eyelids, marks your dark circles, weakens your voice, subtracts your forces.
You feel tightness in the chest, pain in the stomach, your smile becomes blurred, you forget about its existence.
You just want to cry, your tears run down your face endlessly until your tears dry.
You are sitting in this emotion, you fear what others will call it: Depression?
—But if you are the antithesis of a depressive person, you are the most cheerful, jovial, enthusiastic person, eager to learn and experience everything you know.
“And then … how do you explain getting here?”
– Very easy by pure exhaustion, physical and mental; For excess of responsibility, for being the support of everything and everyone, for forgetting to take care of myself, for having time and space for me.
“What if you fall and don’t get up again?”
You know that it will not happen because there are people around you who love you and will not allow it, it will support and support you just as you did with them on multiple occasions even if they are invaded by the fear of those who will sustain them now that you can no longer.
You are aware that your family and friends hurt to see you like that, sad; Although it is a great opportunity to give you the support you need so much right now.
Now you don’t want to be encouraged, distracted, advised … you just need to be there in the distance observing the process in which you are immersed.
Not even you should repeat that everything is fine, that you are fine … because you are not.
You have had the courage to park it all, to disconnect from your daily routines to connect with yourself, with your essence, with the person you really are.
Connecting with oneself causes fear, there is darkness in there, we do not know what we are going to find.
“I’ve been looking for answers out there so long that I don’t know how to find them inside of me, nobody has taught me and I don’t know how to do it.”
Perhaps it is only enough to be silent, alone, in contact with nature, walking aimlessly, sitting under a tree, listening to the trill of birds, listening to me, facing my fears, formulating the questions I fear to answer, having my own space, owning my time, feeling free to do today only what makes me happy.
And how quickly the answers begin to emerge, they were hidden there, waiting for the moment to come to light.
—Now more than ever I feel the urgent need to be outdoors, for the sunlight to illuminate me, to feel its warmth.
– The truth is that I would not mind living like this, disconnected from everything, enjoying my space, my loneliness, reconnecting again and again with my inner self, with my essence.
Because in the journey inside us is where happiness, our well-being, that peace and tranquility that you so crave are hidden.
There lies our true self, without masks or subterfuges, our values, our life learning, our beliefs …