I have already turned 50 years old.

I feel a mixture of emotions and fear at the same time.

On the one hand I am happy to have arrived and not to have stayed on the road, like so many others.

And on the other hand I do not recognize myself when I look in the mirror or see myself in a photo, no matter how many poses I put.

Maybe as my best friend wrote to me, when I look in the mirror I have to look for my eyes to recognize myself.

The rest has changed but I still have my precious blue eyes like the sea.

I still have that curious, libidinous, deep look that looks not only to the outside but also to the inside.

Now I am a mature woman, a whole lady, and everyone knows it and can see it.

Now is the time to show you what I can do.

I’m still alive, radiant, with more desire to live than ever, in search of the happiness that nests inside me.

My inner child already knows what I can or can not do, knows what I really want and crave.

I want to play, I want to have fun, I want to laugh out loud, do the impossible, improper for my age.

It was wonderful to make the transition from 49 to 50 in the company of my soul mate Yalenna.

And even though I am older, she always gives me life lessons.

I do not know how she does it but it makes me question many things, doubt my beliefs, reflect …

With her I can speak frankly and she knows that with me she can do the same.

None is a judge of the other, just a mere listener who offers her perspective.

But maybe the best thing was to wake up with 50 kisses from my partner with whom I have been living together for 30 years.

Kissing 50 times takes a long time, because 50 is a high number that contains many previous numbers, it is a magic number.

I could feel the love that he still professes to me, his tenderness and his desire to satisfy me, to continue forming part of my life.

Because even if our roads are bifurcated in pursuit of individual happiness.

We both know that at any point along the way they will cross again.

And what happiness to celebrate my birthday with those I love, no matter the economic cost of celebrating it so many times.

What is the use of the money we earn with so much effort but to spend it in these beautiful moments?

Sharing anecdotes, laughter, confidences, catching up on our lives, strengthening ties.

Because NOW is the time, the moment to live as I want, as I feel more comfortable, where I want to be.

And in the company of people who really love me, who appreciate me.
With what I can tell and what is more important with what I can be myself!

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Carmen M Badeau
Carmen M Badeau
2 years ago

So beautiful, poignant, yet joyful! I think at that time in our lives we have hoped we have left our mark, or are still striving to do so, to leave behind a legacy so that others will know we were here! What an expression of love to those you celebrated with!